#3 Party School in 2012-13 Princeton Review

Bronze on the Ceiling

Hey y'all. It's been a while since I posted on here. As many of you know the Princeton Review came out with their annual list of the top party schools. Sadly our beloved and inebriated paradise of Ohio University has been bumped down the list a few spaces to number three with West Virginia University taking the crown from us. I know that times like these make us all feel a little disappointed, but we really shouldn't let this get us down.

Jack White once said, "it's quite possible that I'm your third man, girl. But it's a fact that I'm the seventh son!" That is OU. We are the third man. On the surface we seem like just another Midwestern state school, easy to discard, not thought of very highly at first, lower name recognition. We get overlooked and are often times mistaken for those bastards up in Columbus. We are looked down upon by students at Miami and Oklahoma University, who see us as the inferior OU.

In mythology the seventh son, despite his low place in his family, possesses special powers that make him far more unique than his other siblings. That is Ohio University, the seventh son. This past year we cruised past much bigger schools to nab the crown in the party school rankings, we cheered on as our men's basketball team made it to the Sweet Sixteen and nearly toppled number one seeded North Carolina this past March, we watched as The Black Keys, a band that was playing shows at Athens' own Union Bar before they packed arenas all over the world, took the planet by storm. Most importantly many of our grads experience a great deal of success in the real world. This past year my life took a turn for the better when I began working on Capitol Hill in Washington DC. On the Hill I met other OU alums that shared many of the same experiences that I had during my time in Athens, but most of all they look back at their time at Ohio University with pride and happiness. Just because we partied throughout college didn't make us failures at life, it just meant we had more fun growing up than people at other schools did. For this I am proud to call myself a Bobcat.

It's late August and soon a whole new batch of undergrads will begin their journey in Athens. I just wanna tell all of you, there's gonna be some good times and some bad times. Whatever you do make it count and have fun. I'll be back around the way eventually. If you are lucky enough to have gone to school at Ohio University as a young person, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Athens is a moveable bar. I leave you with The Black Keys. Peace.

Broney's Alumni Grill

The Booze Brothers conquer Athens

The last stop on the Court Street Shuffle is also my personal favorite bar on campus. This statement cost me the affection of a cute but judgmental blond haired hipster girl who admired my sharp blue eyes and funny anti-Bush Administration t-shirt from Urban Outfitters. Setting that aside I for one argue that Broney's is one of the most neutral bars on campus. You really do get all sorts of people here, athletes, bros, greeks, hipsters, hippies, townies. That's the beautiful thing about Broney's. There's a little something for everyone.

First of all it's a newer bar so it's a lot cleaner and has a level of shine to it still. There's a diverse alcohol selection that ranges from PBR tallboys to top shelf liquors like Patron and Crown Royal (you can even buy Johnny Walker Blue at $16 a shot). They have a great beer selection at their two bars and if you ask the owner Brad nicely he may even let you in on his personal stash. Music tends to usually be danceable pop and rap played earsplitingly loud (a negative aspect to me), but then again a large percentage of people that go to Broney's want to dance. The large number of people sweating on each other as they bump and grind on the dance floor can make it difficult to move around. Their patio allows patrons to have a place to talk without your conversation being drowned out by the glorious cheesiness of "I Like It" by Enrique Inglesias. The pool table in the back of the bar is sure to keep the sharks hustling all night. Whether your more into Ralph Lauren or American Apparel, fedoras or flat-billed 59-fifties you can always have a good time at Broney's, but you don't have to enjoy all of it.

This bar also has some of the most sociable bartenders in Athens. Stop in often enough and they basically consider you as close as family. They know what you're like, they know your favorite drinks by heart and will even go out of their way to make your night at their bar the best part of your night. Just don't mess around with Brad, he used to play football for OU and he'd set you straight.

Maybe I'm just biased because I have a lot of connections to the place, but then again I did state these are my opinions on each bar. Most people have one or two bars that they stick to, not me. I don't discriminate, I regulate. Maybe you'll come up with something different. It's all good you know, different strokes for different folks. Hope everyone down in Athens has fun this year. I'll be down at least for Homecoming. Word is bond. Peace.

People who would probably drink here:
Kanye West, Katy Perry, Seth Rogan, Derek Jeter, David and Victoria Beckham, Justin Timberlake, Jessica Biel, Bono, William Jefferson Clinton, Kate Upton, Ryan Lochte, Eric Herman of the New York Giants, Usher, David Bowie, Zooey Deschanel, and of course Hunter S Thompson

What to order:

LeBomb James

12 East

Eastbound and Down

Located on Carpenter Street near the mouth of Court, this bar has not even been in Athens for 2 years and it is already facing quite a bit of trouble. From shaky business to threats of eviction 12 East's first year in Athens was a rocky one. That's a damn shame too because you can tell that it has some potential. I know it has a ways to go before it can compete with the bars on Court and Union but just give it time. This bar usually does not get much business so noise and crowds are not a concern here, but the lack of them is equally disturbing. Give it a shot. Athens has already lost the Blue Gator, The Graduate, 19 South, Mr. Bojangles, and a number of other bars, we don't want to add 12 East to that list.

People who would probably drink here:
Ed Gein, enough said. Oh yeah! Hunter S Thompson


What to order:

Happy Meal (a beer and a well shot)

Courtside Sports Bar

Life In The Cat Lane

Hollywood in the 1980s had Studio 54. Athens in the 2000s has Courtside. You could say that because this is the primary bar where the the Ohio Bobcat athletes and the people that want a piece of them tend to hang out. An evening at Courtside means you're bound to run into some campus celebrities.
I would know, I'm an ex-OU athlete myself and even after the men's swimming team got cut my teammates and I were still carousing with the other teams on the weekends here at C-Side. At Courtside you are also likely to run into athletic department groupies, these are called 'jersey chasers,' who's only ambition is to land an athlete.In addition to athletes and their groupies Courtside also attracts a wide array of people from campus, including Greeks, business majors, grad students, and as always Erol Civan.

Nights at Courtside are often wild, patrons are often packed in like sardines, the music is turned up so loud that it is almost impossible to hear what your friends are saying, and it usually takes a while to get a drink. You can find people carousing in the bar's beer garden, dancing to eardrum pulsingly loud rap and electropop music on the tables and on the dance floor, and ordering round upon round of overpriced beers, mixed drinks, and shots at the establishment's two bars. Courtside is the Mecca of the mixed shot, which is not so much a shot but a small 2 ounce sample of a fruity bitch-drink that does next to nothing to actually get you drunk. This environment will naturally create a level of jackassery, but it's just the price you have to pay if you're planning on spending your night at this particular bar. Look at the bright side, at least it's not The Crystal.

Also make sure that you tip the bartenders well, they don't take it well if you don't. Final word of advice, if that sexy tan blond in the tight black dress ignores you when you try talking to her, that's because you're not an athlete and she's an exclusive starfucker. Don't feel bad about it, she'd only make your life miserable one day.

People who would probably drink here:
Rob Gronkowski, Jay-Z, LeBron James, Cristiano Ronaldo, Misty May-Treinor, Rihanna, Mick Jagger, Drake, Michael Phelps, Nicki Minaj, Ke$ha, Russell Brand, Alex Morgan, Terrell Pryor, Candace Parker, Biggie Smalls, Cameron Diaz, Hunter S Thompson 

What to order:

Jack & Coke and a shot of Tequila

Casa Cantina

Hippie Hops

Sort of Jackie O's vegan country cousin, Casa Cantina is another great hippie bar. Not a place for party crazy bros or girls looking to dance to Justin Bieber. Also so you know, this bar frequently refuses to serve shufflers. Casa is much more of a 'lay back and enjoy your beer' kinda bar. With an excellent beer selection, and even a few barrels of Jackie O's brews, Casa is a great place to hang out and listen to the band jam while you enjoy a pale ale and good conversation with your friends.

In fact when I was preparing to study abroad in Salzburg, Austria my junior year the other members of my study group and I met at Casa on Tuesday nights after class to drink a beer, polish up our German, and arrange our travel plans. It's more of a meeting place than a party place. Just come here to enjoy life.

People who would probably drink here:
Sigmund Freud, Jerry Garcia, Rosa Luxembourg, Che Guevara, Arthur Conan Doyle, Abbie Hoffmann, Herbert Marcuse, Tom Morello, Anthony Bourdain, Thomas Paine, Sam Adams, Hunter S Thompson

What to order:

Depends on your preference. I personally go for Paulaner Hefe-Weizen.

Tony's Tavern

On The Road Again

This dive bar is a refuge for hipsters and townies that wander past Union Street to see what Court has in store. Though looked down upon by students that frequent Courtside, Junction, and The Crystal it is one of Athens' best kept secrets. Its grungy beatnik feel only adds to its coolness. Its shack-like appearance only makes it more intimate. If you want to escape from the thumping electropop that you've been hearing everywhere else on this side of town then come on up to Tony's and play a round of darts while you sip Killians and PBR.

Music is usually rock and hardcore rap. The playlist includes The Stones, Jimi Hendrix, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, Wu-Tang Clan, and Nas. It's a chill laid back little place that I'm sure Jack Kerouac would've loved if his journey on the road went through Athens.

Finally, what would a night at Tony's be without a round or two of 'Hot Nuts.' These hot tasty shots of coffee and liquor are good at any time of year.

People who would probably drink here:
Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Jack Kerouac, Jimi Hendrix, Joan Baez, John Bonham, James Dean, Eddie Vedder, Neal Cassidy, Allen Ginsberg, Shirley Manson (Garbage), Helena Bonham Carter, Liv Tyler, Collin Farrell, Patti Smith, Kate Hudson, Karen O, William S Burroughs, Dennis Hopper, Peter Fonda, Hunter S Thompson

What to order:

Hot Nut

The Junction

Ain't Nuthing But A J Thang

The proving ground for fake i.d.'s, The Junction you could say is the homely sister of The Crystal. Since I rarely ever stopped in here during my time in Athens I really couldn't tell you that much about the place. It is however, known for it's reddish variation of the Blackout known as the Junction Punch. This is another fruity drink that is meant to kick your liver around like a soccer ball. Usually inhabited by bros, sorority girls, and underclassmen that are trying to test out their new fake i.d.'s.

This past year Junction was gutted and reinvented embracing once and for all its longstanding nickname: J Bar. I never stayed long whenever I was here, but better days are ahead for J. Or at least they should be. Give it time to mature, and get those goddamn under-agers out. The Crystal wouldn't mind serving them. Especially since they're too preoccupied not paying their taxes to check for identification.

People who would probably drink here:
Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, the kid from Jerry Maguire, Michael Jackson, Hunter S Thompson

What to order:

Windex